I'm turning into a quieter person. I don't talk much to anyone except the bestie and the boy. My head is filled with nasty thoughts and rude comments. My speech is made up of sarcasm and false emotion. I'm growing empty and cold. I don't want to be this empty person. I think I'm too emotional though, I think that needs to stop. I cannot keep crying at the slightest things. I need to be strong. I guess my mind thinks that being strong means being empty.
Currently watching Will and Grace with my mother. A show about a gay guy and his straight female roommate makes my day.
I miss being in Windsor. Walking around in the crisp winter air, the sound of traffic surrounding me. I cannot stand silence anymore. I miss Toronto, I was never left in silence in that one bedroom apartment. I miss my dogs, I miss the balcony, I miss the sirens. I liked that part of the past. I miss my little world of happy.
I simply cannot wait till next year. I want to move out. I hear Guelph has a good mall, and at least it has it's own transport system. I would love to get into Toronto, but that would be so costly. My grades aren't that great, either.
I really hope my plan comes through. I want a roommate, and I think Conrad would be great. It's funny, I know he's annoying but I don't see that at all. He's been one of my best friends since grade nine, and my only guy friend I haven't done anything with. I think that's something to be proud of, for me anyway. Some people say I talk to him more than my own boyfriend, and talk about him more, but in truth Conrad doesn't come across my mind like that anymore. To me he's just a friend, the best.
I like John's bed.
