Here I am sitting up and awake, two hours after I said I would. It's because of these butterflies, and this feeling in my chest. Just the very thought of a tall dark haired skinny guy who has good taste in music and a personality to match gets me going. I smile and start to go into the near stages of hyperventilation whenever I hear his name. When he touches my skin it's like a wave of electric pulses going through my body, and I feel numb. But this is a good feeling. This is excellent. No one has made me feel so good about myself, no one has made me feel this alive. When he says things to tell me how he feels or to make me feel better, my heart jumps into my throat and I am unable to respond. If someone were to ask me how many times I've thought about him I'll say just once, because he has never left my mind. I get light-headed and tingly with every kiss, and with every hug I never want to let go. If I could lay in bed with him all day I would. I would talk to him non-stop. He isn't boring, and his heart always seems to be in the right place. My friends don't like him, but I don't care. He makes me happy again. He gives me something to believe in.
This is me pouring out my emotions at 1:30 am because I need something to vent to. I need someone to tell, and not call me cheesy or tell me I can do better. I don't want to do better. I want him. I'm not saying the "L" word, but this is as close as I can get without running away. In truth, I want this so bad, but I've never been more scared in my life. I want to give him everything he deserves, and more. I want to be the one he always remembers. I don't know if I'll ever accomplish this, but I do know I will treat him better than anyone else.
I hope he doesn't read this. I don't want to seem like a fool.
